When will I know God's Will for my life?

I have been wondering for a long time. I have been wandering around, wrapped up in a relationship that hasn't met God's confirmation. I have been praying and waiting for signs, for something, anything. Maybe God has answered me and I didn't want to see the answer or maybe He isn't ready to answer me, because I'm not ready for what He has in store. Sometimes I just get frustrated and sick of wondering. Then others times, I realize that I haven't been living right and I have be in sin, so how did God hear me anyway???
I know my God loves me and He wants what is best for me. I feel like I have wasted so much time, and I can't get it back. My two oldest have grown so much and it's a blur. I haven't been focused on them like I should have been and I have missed some beautiful moments. I have always wondered when my phone would ring next, if I was going to receive a text message, if I was going to get an email, waiting to be surprised and hoping for everthing to fall into place. I dare not say how long I've been living like this. It's to painful and shameful to say aloud.
When will I know God's Will for my life? That's a good question, and I don't know when I will know. I hope it will be soon, but I hope I'm ready for it.
I pray that God will continue to change me and I pray that I will continue to push forward toward the prize. I want my Lord to be glorified. I have yet to say "so long to self", but slowly, everyday I let go a little more. I am a creature of habit, so this is so hard for me. I like consistency. I don't like change like the next guy, but to be able to be submissive to God's Will, I have to be ready for anything. I am excited but I am scared. I want to be willing but I know exactly how controlling I am.
If God is going to work, I have to move out of the way and let Him be God. He needs to be God over what I watch, what I listen to, what I think about, what I love. I haven't lived like this since I was young. And I didn't understand then what I was going to face in this old world.
I thought I knew so much. I thought there was nothing that could surprise me....nothing to bring me down. How wrong, prideful, arrogant and selfish I was. I have realized what kind of person I am today because of my past, and I don't like what I see. I have a lot to change with God's help. But I am promised victory for my obedience. I am promised God's best if I surrender. Maybe I do know God's Will, maybe it's to just grow and to be where I am right now. Who knows, other than Him.
It's tough "on my way back to Him"! But the payoff is priceless.