The Lord has been changing my world around me. My children are growing up, my mother is being transformed before my eyes, my grandmothers are aging, my siblings are being parents and spouses, and there have even been transitions at work. However, I look at my life, and things are still the same within my physical world. I'm still single, I'm still driving the same car, working in the same position, day to day tasks are the same. But the Lord is making His presence known and He's changing how He's revealing Himself to me, I think.
I am seeing some things with new eyes or God's going about showing me the answers differently. I haven't figured this out completely, but my spirit is different.
Tonight, my daughter revealed very disturbing news about my oldest son, right before I went to Bible Study. She told me that she has had 5 of her friends, very good kids, to tell her that my seventh grader has been known to use cuss words. She was very shocked and knew that I needed to know. No, we're not naive, it's just that we've never experienced this behavior and it's new to us.
When I found out, I was embarrassed, especially since one of the kids that told her was the preacher's daughter and that he had cussed at a youth function. But not only embarrassment, but denial that I knew he wouldn't do that. Then came the irritation that he is representing our family and that he has made me look like a bad mother. But then, I remembered, that he has heard me use inappropriate language when I was angry, frustrated, scared, or ticked off. Just when I was thinking of asking him what in the world he thought he was doing, I remembered that I would be a hypocrite to punish him for the things that he's heard me say. So, I went on to Bible Study, and on the way there, I prayed for God to help me figure out how to approach this.
I knew this was a moment that I could either blow or a moment that I could allow God to use me to teach my son. I know that I've blown it several times and I didn't want to let this life lesson, real life moment to be ruined. I would tend to be critical, harsh, and totally closed-minded about the subject. I could tell him that I expect his language to be that of what God would be OK with. But I remembered, that in my new God-conscious state, that I could be fake and holier than thou or I could be very humble and approach him with the fact that this is something that neither he nor I need to take part in. That bad language doesn't lift God up, nor represent Jesus.
I mentioned this at the end of my Bible Study to some of the girls. Of course they all had their solutions or stories about how they handled it. But I didn't want to do what the norm was, nor be led by others. I wanted God to handle this with me and my son. When I got home, there was a note on my bed. Landon evidently revealed to Will that I knew about the incidents.
In this note, Will fully admitted that he'd not been living for Jesus. When I read his letter, I was humbled by his honesty and brought to tears over his apology. Here are some of his words: "I am very sorry for being so disobedient in my actions and words." "It is that I'm not trying my best to show off what a wonderful, loving mama and family I have." "I haven't been living my life for Jesus like I should and I'm praying for self-discipline and self-control. Hoping it will come soon." "I just want you to know I'm going to try and I'm going to live for Jesus!"
WOW! God convicted Will, when he knew that I found out about his language. He was truly sorry for how he'd acted and he realized the problem. This touched me and I'm so proud. Day in day out, being a mama and being the only teacher, disciplinarian, Godly influence and parent in his life. It's exhausting, but it's all worth it. For a moment like this, it's the greatest gift, I've EVER received. I want to thank God for taking care of this and it has laid the foundation for our talk. I don't think that there's a harder job than parenting but it's the most rewarding as well.
I want to commit to having more self-control and self-discipline in my life. And I want to commit to allowing my children to make mistakes and to letting God work in them instead of me constantly having my hand and say in everything. Move me out of the way God, and do a mighty work in my children's life and in mine for Your Glory. God is so good.
